Adventure 1: The Cow and the Shed

It started on a dark and stormy night.

Well, not dark. And not too stormy. But it was still night. The stars and moon lit up the night, creating one too many shadows. Owen and I were sitting on the orphanage’s shed roof (the random shed that Owen likes to sulk behind). We were discussing Thomas, and how adorable he is.

“God, that kid is so annoying! He’s like a freaking chipmunk I swear!” Owen complained.

“What do you mean? He’s so adorable! No one can not like him.”

“What’s with girls and ‘adorable’ and ‘cute and fluffy’ things?” Owen asked.

“You can’t help but look at his Bambi eyes and see how adorable he is and…and…” I was at a loss for words, and decided to use the one word that Owen hated. “CUTE!”

“ARG! Enough with the cute! That kid needs to be gagged, and you know it!”

“He does not!”

“Does too!”

“Does not!”

“Does too!”

“Is that a cow?”

“What the fu…dge.” Owen trailed off as I glared at him. I pointed to a window of the orphanage.

“No seriously, is that a cow?”

Owen looked more closely at the building, peering at a long shadow that was hanging out of the window. “Oh my god.” I saw him lean further from where he was sitting, squinting his eyes. “It is a cow! Oh my god! A conspiracy!”

I looked at him sceptically, wondering if the very small sane part of his brain was still intact. “Seriously, does it not look like a cow?”

“MOO!” Owen howled into the crisp air.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked, still concerned for his sanity. He was known for random splurbs of randomness.

It was quiet after a mooing spiel, until Owen turned to look at the neighbouring house.

“Holy Mother of Jesus and Enchiladas of Goodness!”

“What?!” I yelled out. Now I was going to have to talk to Aaron about my friend’s mental health. I swear, this child was just on the brink of… for lack of a better word, weird.

“A guy is on that person’s roof! Do you not see that?” he shouted out. He was going out of his flipping mind, for goodness sakes.

To humour the poor soul, for perhaps these were the last few days that he may speak in comprehensible words (with Owen, you could never be sure) I looked over to the roof – and almost screamed out a string of profanities.

There seemed to be another shadow, but this time of a lurking man on the tiled roof. To my mind, he seemed to be wearing a grey cloak. It was definitely creepy.

“AAAA!” I screamed out. Owen had jumped up and grabbed onto me, hiding behind my shoulder like the little coward he was.

“Make the cute little Thomas go to him!”

“Owen! This guy, shadow, thing, whatever it is, will kill him!”

“Sometimes Crow, sacrifices must be made!”

“You’re insane!” I shouted out, desperately trying to get away from my crazy childhood friend and demon shadow person on the roof.

Owen was already down on the ground, picking up a randomly walking Thomas, who conveniently (unfortunately for him) was passing by.

“Take the chipmunk!” Owen shouted out, holding the terrified child out before him, as if the runny nosed kid was a shield.

“He’s- not- a –chipmunk!” I yelled out to him, completely off topic to the frightening form of the shadow thingy that had lead to this situation in the first place.

Thomas lifted up a hand while being held up by the frightened teen. Pointing at the shadow, he squeaked, “It’s a chimney.”

He does sound like a chipmunk! I realized. And then realized what the chipmunk –er, Thomas, said, and looked more closely at the shadow man.

“It is a chimney!” I told Owen, hoping that he’d put the poor kid down, which he did, slowly realizing his mistake.

“Oh…” Owen peered closer at the shadowy form that apparently was a chimney. “OH!”

“Aaron says you guys have to come inside for the play. He needs help finding Matt. He’s supposed to be the cow.” Thomas told us, and then scuttled off to wherever.

Owen looked over at me. “Oh, my, god. IT’S A CONSPIRACY!”

“Owen, calm down, it’s not a conspiracy. It only means that the cow was Matt, hanging from a window.”

“How the hell did he get to hang from a window?”

“Don’t ask me, ask him.” I pointed to the still hanging Matt, who was moaning piteously- Almost like a cow.

Owen got that crooked smile on his face as he looked over at me, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Somehow knowing what he was getting at, we both shouted out in mockery to the poor moaning soul hanging outside the orphanage window:

“MOO!”

(yes, we actually were on the shed roof, and yes, we actually saw a cow hanging out of a window, and yes, we actually thought that the chimney was a stalker. Shut up.)